Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
