Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
