I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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