Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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