Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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