I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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