she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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