Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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