I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
