I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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