He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My bed smells like the plague
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
