HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
