i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
