R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
