We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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