I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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