mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
