go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
