This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
