life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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