we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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