Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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