you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
