Apparently you make a good broom.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
