I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
