I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
