It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
