im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
