you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
