booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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