Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
