it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
