Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
