I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
