Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
