Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
