my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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