we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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