I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
