My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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