i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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