I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
