I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
