My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
