Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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