you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
