am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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