I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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