I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
