My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
